hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
