it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
