Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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