Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
