So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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