Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
