dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
