hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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