i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
