Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
