Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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