did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
