So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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