How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
