two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
