My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
