ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
