Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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