I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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