He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude. I can hear the air.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
