I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
