I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
