My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
