He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
