I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
