When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
