when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So here I am, sexting at work.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
