You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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