There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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