I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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