Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Randomize
