We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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