I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
