she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
