She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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