if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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