So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
