my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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