I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
