If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
