I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
