Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
