There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
