Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
