Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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