your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
