dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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