Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
