I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
