You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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