I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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