WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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